Intrepid Murmurings

Hoop Jumping Update
Things completed in the last week...

• Went to county courthouse downtown to get copy of marriage license
• Printed form to order certified copy of California birth certificate
• Filled out form
• Took it to bank to be notarized
• Wrote check and mailed it off
• Ordered & paid online for certified Utah birth certificate
• Finished first of 3 books on agency's required reading list (Dear Birthmother...) (review to come in a later post)
• Wrote one biography (Kristin's)
• Rambled on way too long
• Got Lonnie's physical, & form filled out by Dr. (all clear, health outlook excellent!)
• Just a little reminder about exercise (Do you do any? No. You know you ought to? Yes. Okay!)
• Got Kristin's physical, & form filled out by Dr. (all clear, health outlook also excellent!)
• Big lecture about how walking/jogging 5x a week plus yoga and weightlifting 3x per week plus almost daily gardening is just not enough exercise for a woman my age (highly recommended Bikram Yoga)
• Yes, this was the very same Dr.
• No, I have not gained weight, I am actually exactly the same as I have been for the PAST 5 YEARS! SINCE COLLEGE!
• No, of course I am not bitter. Planning to start the hardcore workouts soon. Maybe tomorrow, after finishing that big bag of potato chips.

Next up, finishing up forms for background checks, credit checks, etc. Adoption seminar June 13 & 14 in Portland. After that, interview, home study, making of portfolio! Also asking of neighbors who we hardly know to fill out required recommendation form. Perhaps look into Bikram Yoga or hire retired ex-marine to motivate "real" workouts. Moving right along...

I Love Ellis
Yesterday, we went to see Ellis at a house concert! She was amazing, as expected! Lonnie even agreed to go along (the only guy in attendance, ha), and had to admit he enjoyed it and noted that she has incredible stage presence. The last time she was in town it was to open for a no-boys-allowed dance party, not quite his type of event... I knew about her stage presence (life presence!) and remembered it from our very first meeting in Northfield, MN. I was a freshman, in charge of organizing all the music for a campus Earth Day concert (don't ask how that happened...though it had to do me being one of only 3 people in the club that put it on. My advice...on a college campus, don't schedule anything you want people to actually show up for before 2 pm on a Saturday). That is also where I met The Big Wu, another group of fine Minnesota musicians (also, like Ellis, from St. Olaf College) whom I also continue to support (somewhat rabidly). I hadn't kept up with Ellis for awhile, but rediscovered her in the past year or so and have been listening to her a LOT. So Ellis' show last night was great, and it was only 2 miles from our house, in West Seattle! No driving downtown, no having to pay for parking! We were running late, but still made it with plenty of time to spare! It was hosted by Ellis fans in their home (which, oddly enough, was a "house twin" of ours, only with one large room ideal for a concert where our dining room and my studio would be). There were about 20 or so folks in attendance, and lots of food. House concerts seem to be a pretty cool, relaxed setting for artists, particularly of the solo folk type. The artist gets all the profits from the door and of course any merch they sell (I got one cd, to round out my collection). Ellis was a joy to listen to, played a lot of the songs I love (she is a very talented songwriter) and explained the background/history behind them, which was very fun to hear. We were very lucky that her friend and fellow musician, Erika Luckett, was also in attendance, and was able to join her on several of the songs from one of Ellis' newer albums, which she also plays on. Today and tomorrow, Ellis and Erika will be playing at The Juan de Fuca Festival in Port Angeles. We were hoping to go, but got lazy with arranging dog care. Ellis will also be playing a benefit with some other singer/songwriters at the Madison Cafe here in West Seattle on Weds, June 1st, and has several other shows in the Northwest in the next week or so. We hope to see you back in these parts again soon, Ellis!

Bloggy Ladies
Here is an great article about two of my favorite bloggers, Julie and Tertia. Here is another article by Tertia, which was recently published in the Australian Shape magazine! Julie's and Tertia's blogs were the first I ever read, which I found through a random google search at the start of our first IVF attempt in November. The day I found Julie's blog went through the entire backlogs (which took me well into the wee hours, several nights) with facination. They are both very talented writers, and it is crazy how much you start to feel like you know them, even though you don't! I am glad they are starting to get recognised and published for the funny, creative, and supportive work they do.

Reflection of a City Schoolyard
Kristin Hutchinson Homework week 1 April 21, 2004 Sitting on familiar steps, my back pressed against against warm brick, I listen to distant city sounds --
the squeal and honk of traffic down the street, the metallic groan of dumpsters emptying their load, the thunderous roar of a jet as it passes overhead, then fades again, slowly, into the horizon, a thin white string hanging in the sky. Closer to me, the bounce of a basketball, the splash of a fountain and buckets scooping it up, the rise and fall of chatter and children playing in the sun. I am on the playground, behind the big brick bulk of a church, surrounded by walls and a patchwork of fence, carefully mended. This was once a flat square empty lot, paved throughout (I have seen the pictures!) --
but now, it is a different place. I watch, through waves of heat rolling up off hot asphalt, the swaying back and forth, back and forth of a empty swing, its occupant recently departed. Kids scramble up the wooden structures, is it a boat, a house, a castle, a train? and jump into piles of soft wood chips. I see slices of rosy faces peering through the slats, black curls bobbing up and down, a flicker of bright clothing, bare legs and dusty sandals. City kids, they do all right, rustling in the shady branches of an old willow (did nuns nursed it to life, years ago?) or squatting underneath, digging tunnels in the dirt and sand. Some hide behind the weeds and flowers, collecting caterpillar families, holding them tight in round cupped hands. A breeze wafts in through the chain link fence, and then the sweet sweet smell of doughnuts, pastries, bread, from warehouse ovens one block down. Beyond the gate, I watch the slow, silent shuffle of men and women, alone or in pairs, waiting in line for food from the shelter, on a good day piled high in brown bags and boxes halves. Before school is out, those folks will gone again, with their heavy loads down the street, to the crowded bus stop, and away. Then, long shadows will creep across cracked sidewalks, busy feet will patter home, hand in hand. Doors and windows will shudder and slam tight, the gate will rattle, then be still, closed, silent. An empty swing will sway back and forth in the wind at sunset, an old gray cat will jump the fence to weave its way through footprints, castles, moonlight. **This was from a writing class I took at the Hugo House last spring. I forget what the assignment was, I think it was to describe a place in detail. This was about the playground of the school I used to teach at, now called Giddens School.

Photoetching Workshop
This weekend I took a photoetching workshop with a friend of mine. It was a two-day workshop at the Sev Shoon Arts Center in Ballard. It is a great studio offering classes as well as full studio access to artists for only $100 bucks a month (that seems like a good deal to me, though I am no expert on this). Our instructor was Amanda Knowles, an artist who works here in Seattle and at Sev Shoon. In any case, it was quite an introduction to printmaking for me! I probably ought to have taken something a little less technical for my first venture into printmaking. Photoetching involves transferring an image from a transparency to another surface (usually metal) using a light-sensitive polymer film, an exposure machine, and some generally nontoxic chemicals. I actually used plexiglass, which I don't think can actually be considered true "etching", but that is more detail than I can comprehend right now. Once your plate is developed, you ink it and run it through the press. There were a LOT of steps to keep track of and skills to learn, definitely more than anyone can master in a weekend. But, I had fun and now I know a lot more about it. I think I would enjoy taking a few more classes at some point, too! Here are a few of my prints:

Before May 18th...

"It was boring as hell up there, and most of the time you froze your ass off"

Photo of David Johnston So said my dad (Richard Waitt) about keeping watch on Coldwater/Johnston Ridge before this day, 25 years ago. But then this happened, and it got a lot less boring... Someday, he might actually publish a book about it all. It has only been in the works for 25 years, thats nothing, in geologic time....

Is My Life A TV Show?
While in some circles I am ashamed to admit it, I do watch and enjoy some smutty television shows. However, I have a feeling that I am going to be terribly annoyed at this and this. Oh, the (horribly unrealistic) drama that will unfold! Will I still watch with a strange mix of compulsive disgusted fascination? Perhaps. I have until fall to decide...

The Results Are In...
and here is my to-do list.

• drink oversized mug of caffeinated tea (w/milk and sugar)
• eat large chocolate cream filled cupcake
• put away baby oil used daily to scrub away estrogen patch adhesive
• skip vitamins & supplements, knowingly
• spray Round-Up on weeds in yard, and use other toxic chemicals with reckless abandon
• drink Jack & coke
• lift heavy objects, just for fun
• donate large box of misc. injection needles to Planned Parenthood (if they want them)
• eat brie and other soft, unpasteurized cheeses
• drink fuzzy navel
• do yard work, carrying heavy waterlogged bags of steer manure
• enjoy unnaturally elevated hormone levels plummeting to normal
• eat sushi, including raw tuna & swordfish with possibly high levels of mercury
• drink wine, both white and red
• use 2 week free pass to Bikram yoga studio (the hot aerobic yoga)
• especially enjoy the twisty poses
• watch as oil slick of a forehead clears up and digestion returns to normal
• notice that bras are no longer painfully tight (and maybe (gasp) not even needed!)
• enjoy constant feeling of exhaustion (also due to progesterone injections) lifting
• stay out late with friends!
• at bars!
• drinking beer!
• join a gym, go running, lift heavy weights
• work on & complete adoption application

Whew! Though the news was not what we'd hoped, I am honestly excited about every item on this list and will be enjoying each one as I check them off in the next few weeks.

Security Tomorrow will have an island. Before night I always find it. Then on to the next island. These places hidden in the day separate and come forward if you beckon. But you have to know they are there before they exist. Some time there will be a tomorrow without any island. So far, I haven't let that happen, but after I'm gone others may become faithless and careless. Before them will tumble the wide unbroken sea, and without any hope they will stare at the horizon. So to you, Friend, I confide my secret: to be a discoverer you hold close whatever you find, and after a while you decide what it is. Then, secure in where you have been, you turn to the open sea and let go. —William Stafford

C is for Cookie...is good enough for me!
I enjoy baking cookies. They are so much better than store bought ones, and not very difficult to make. Really! To make them dairy free, I usually just switch the butter that a recipe inevitably calls for and replace it with diary-free margarine (of course, it does not taste or turn out exactly the same, but close enough, usually). I would not, of course, try this with something like shortbread, or any other butterhog of a cookie. There are only a few dairy-free margarines on the market, believe it or not, because it seems they often add some component of milk (like casein, whey, or milkfat) for taste or stability. For a long time our dairy-free margarine of choice was Willow's Run. We have now started using Earth's Balance, as well, since it is better for you. I have also recently discovered the joys of using coconut oil, which I get at Whole Foods, but I imagine you can get it elsewhere or online. It's not as bad for you as you were taught to believe! Keep it in the cupboard; it gets way too hard in the fridge. Now I wouldn't spread it on bread (like they suggest on the website) any more than I would spread lard on my bread (mmmm...) but it sure seems to work well in baking. For example, here is a recipe I found that actually appears to turn out better when the butter is replaced with dairy-free options! When made my way, it spreads out into more of a flat, chewy cookie, instead of a hard tall one. It is my new favorite cookie, and the recipe is huge, which is great as long as you have a freezer or quite an appetite (otherwise, I would half it). World's Best Dairy-Free Oatmeal Chocolate-Chip Cookie (now thats a mouthful. But a delicious one, at least.) 3 c. flour 5 tsp. soda 1 tsp. salt 2 c. shortening ***(I highly recommend 1 cup dairy free-margarine, 1 cup coconut oil!) 1 1/2 c. brown sugar 1 1/2 c. white sugar 4 eggs, unbeaten 2 tsp. hot water 4 c. oatmeal 2 tsp. vanilla 3 c. chocolate chips 1 1/2 c. chopped nuts Combine flour, soda & salt, and sift. Cream shortening until fluffy. Add sugars, mix well. Beat in eggs, add hot water & sifted ingredients (a bit at a time). Mix well. Add oatmeal, chocolate chips and nuts, if desired, and vanilla (since this is such a huge recipe, it starts to almost overflow my stand mixer at this point, but it does just barely make it) and stir until combined. Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheet (recipe calls for greased cookie sheet, and I use "Silpats" so I don't know if you actually need to do this). Bake at 350 degrees for 10 to 12 minutes (watch it carefully, for my oven, it is exactly 10 minutes, and it tends to overbake quickly after that!). Mmmmmm.....makes a great ice cream/soy cream sandwich, too!

Another view
Here I go again, linking to Karen of Naked Ovary fame. A few days ago she wrote this post about her experiences with IVF. It is something she has had some time to reflect on, while I am still somewhat in the midst of it all (though rapidly nearing the exit). Though our experiences are different, of course, I do relate to much of what she says. She is eloquent and truthful about a very difficult experience.

Houston, we have liftoff!
Yesterday, the last of our embryos were shot off into space. Unfortunately, we do not have any NASA-inspired technology available to track their every move. Have they already imploded with a sparkling, gut-wrenching flash into imperceptible bits? Perhaps! Or are they lazing around for a few days to see how they like the new digs (uh oh, perhaps my swearing or constant yearnings for a Jack and Coke will turn them away?). Or — dare we think it? — could they be nestling in for a for a lovely uneventful 8-9 month stay (ideally not all 3)? Time will tell. Our communications with them will be cut of for a good 10 days. Incommunicado. Houston, are you there? Prepare for landing! If you happened to have read back a bit on this blog, you might know that we are trying ridiculously heroic measures to have a baby. It is rather unpleasant. So far, we have done everything under the sun, including:

• "charting" (ha ha, why did we waste our time?)
• yoga & exercise
• special foods and supplements (pineapple, anyone?)
• the classic, slightly evil drug "Clomid" (and took way too much, for too long, IMHO)
• acupuncture (great!)
• and herbs (bleh...you try drinking gritty, bitter nastiness 3 times a day!)
• IUI's (giving the trusty swimmers a bit of a "head start", whether they need it or not)
• IVF (with all its lovely injections, daily blood-draws & ultrasounds, bruising, bloating, horrible synthetic hormone-induced side effects, right around Christmas, no less!)
• 2 Frozen Embryo Transfers
• and of course, the infernal "Just Relax! And take a vacation to Hawaii!" (in hindsight, the most pleasant of all the options, I must admit).

And all for what? Nothing. Yet. Except a Whole Lotta Bills and a Very Deflated Bank Account. Egads. Are we insane? The good news is, we know our next step, and are excited about it! It is nice to have options, and a plan. We have picked out an adoption agency (local, domestic), and have signed up for their June seminar. We have their application sitting amidst our piles of mail: To Deal With Soon. Once we start the process, it could go rather quickly. But for now, we wait. To see if "Last Ditch Effort" worked. Out of 34 eggs, which turned into 16 embryos,that then became 10 good blastocysts, 8 of which survived and have now been transfered (on 3 separate occasions) into my uterus.....we are now awaiting the final results. La la la... We are not obsessing .....oh no, we are Old Pros. Really! We know not to get attached to that little picture they give you every time, the blue microscopic close up of the blobs they transfered. Or to second guess every symptom related to the damn pregnancy-mimicking hormones injected daily into my --ass- --buttocks- delicate flesh. We were even able to crack jokes with the RE and nurses during the procedure (we know most of them pretty well by now, and enjoy how everyone greets us as we walk through the clinic halls. I suppose it could be because we are funding their next vacation or their children's educations...but we like to think they actually like us). I think it helps that we have not had to make the BIG DECISON, we have not yet reached The Point Of No Return that many folks do, since for us there is time for us to revisit this pregnancy idea at some point in the future. We are young (though not as young as when we started). And want to start our family. Now. And get over all this eternal waiting. Tick tick tick...

Things My Bad Dog Aiko Has Consumed Due To Her Countersurfing Ways:

• At least 4 whole loaves of homemade bread, left to cool (several enjoyed on our bed, the crumbs told us)
• At least 3 half loaves of storebought bread, sliced
• 1/2 pan of brownies, pulled off table onto chair
• 1/4 angel food cake, eaten out of plastic container (incriminating evidence all over snout)
• 2 sticks butter (on two separate incidents, out of fancy French butter dish that sits upside down in water)
• 1/3 bag gingersnaps
• 1/2 of a pear upside down cake
• 1/4 loaf banana bread
• 4 half eaten bags of crackers (Wheat Thins, Tricuits or Ritz, she doesn't care which)
• the remains of 3 chicken carcasses, left out to cool after boiling to make stock
• one full bag of expensive liver doggie treats
• At least 3 1/2 bars of dark chocolate (not all at once, thank goodness)
• At least 4 larger pieces of half-eaten meat
• Unknown (but numerable) scraps from leftover plates
• 2 crusty sausages left on the grill to cool down
• 1 bag of peanuts
• dozen or so chocolate chip cookies, in ziplock bag
• one half can of tuna salad, minutes before it was supposed to go on my sandwich
• an unknown quantity of half-eaten servings of senior dog food, since other dog Chamois is a rather trusting, grazing sort of eater

And we wonder why she is so fat, getting her very rationed amount of diet doggie food daily.... *Many of these incidents greatly annoyed not so tall and limber old dog Chamois, who then pissed in the kitchen to show his disapproval. Ah, dogs. Gotta love 'em. **Unfortunately, though, this is not a complete list. More will be added as new events happen or our memories come through for us I do realize this all means: 1) We are horrible dog owners 2) We really ought to crate her 3) Or at least block off the kitchen with the doggie gate 4) Or invest in serious training? 5) We should aways put away food when we leave 6) Even when just going into the other room... 7) We are terribly lucky not to have mice or rats (maybe thanks to Aiko)