Intrepid Murmurings

Another view
Here I go again, linking to Karen of Naked Ovary fame. A few days ago she wrote this post about her experiences with IVF. It is something she has had some time to reflect on, while I am still somewhat in the midst of it all (though rapidly nearing the exit). Though our experiences are different, of course, I do relate to much of what she says. She is eloquent and truthful about a very difficult experience.

Houston, we have liftoff!
Yesterday, the last of our embryos were shot off into space. Unfortunately, we do not have any NASA-inspired technology available to track their every move. Have they already imploded with a sparkling, gut-wrenching flash into imperceptible bits? Perhaps! Or are they lazing around for a few days to see how they like the new digs (uh oh, perhaps my swearing or constant yearnings for a Jack and Coke will turn them away?). Or — dare we think it? — could they be nestling in for a for a lovely uneventful 8-9 month stay (ideally not all 3)? Time will tell. Our communications with them will be cut of for a good 10 days. Incommunicado. Houston, are you there? Prepare for landing! If you happened to have read back a bit on this blog, you might know that we are trying ridiculously heroic measures to have a baby. It is rather unpleasant. So far, we have done everything under the sun, including:

• "charting" (ha ha, why did we waste our time?)
• yoga & exercise
• special foods and supplements (pineapple, anyone?)
• the classic, slightly evil drug "Clomid" (and took way too much, for too long, IMHO)
• acupuncture (great!)
• and herbs (bleh...you try drinking gritty, bitter nastiness 3 times a day!)
• IUI's (giving the trusty swimmers a bit of a "head start", whether they need it or not)
• IVF (with all its lovely injections, daily blood-draws & ultrasounds, bruising, bloating, horrible synthetic hormone-induced side effects, right around Christmas, no less!)
• 2 Frozen Embryo Transfers
• and of course, the infernal "Just Relax! And take a vacation to Hawaii!" (in hindsight, the most pleasant of all the options, I must admit).

And all for what? Nothing. Yet. Except a Whole Lotta Bills and a Very Deflated Bank Account. Egads. Are we insane? The good news is, we know our next step, and are excited about it! It is nice to have options, and a plan. We have picked out an adoption agency (local, domestic), and have signed up for their June seminar. We have their application sitting amidst our piles of mail: To Deal With Soon. Once we start the process, it could go rather quickly. But for now, we wait. To see if "Last Ditch Effort" worked. Out of 34 eggs, which turned into 16 embryos,that then became 10 good blastocysts, 8 of which survived and have now been transfered (on 3 separate occasions) into my uterus.....we are now awaiting the final results. La la la... We are not obsessing .....oh no, we are Old Pros. Really! We know not to get attached to that little picture they give you every time, the blue microscopic close up of the blobs they transfered. Or to second guess every symptom related to the damn pregnancy-mimicking hormones injected daily into my --ass- --buttocks- delicate flesh. We were even able to crack jokes with the RE and nurses during the procedure (we know most of them pretty well by now, and enjoy how everyone greets us as we walk through the clinic halls. I suppose it could be because we are funding their next vacation or their children's educations...but we like to think they actually like us). I think it helps that we have not had to make the BIG DECISON, we have not yet reached The Point Of No Return that many folks do, since for us there is time for us to revisit this pregnancy idea at some point in the future. We are young (though not as young as when we started). And want to start our family. Now. And get over all this eternal waiting. Tick tick tick...