House Dreams
The other night my husband and I both had house dreams. The common theme was the sheer joy of owning/buying and excessively large house. Heh. In his, he had the fun of having to choose which of 5 rooms or so to have as his study/den. Mine was more about the buying aspect, so therefore more stressful, involving stumbling upon an incredibly priced house and the stressful negotiations that ensued. It was on the beach, and I remember being concerned about water in the basement. But the space! Three floors of rooms after rooms after rooms. And a nice kitchen, if I recall.
This clearly reflects our recent activities. This weekend we did some rearranging and moved the guest room into the computer room. Now the guests get to listen to the hum of our network as they sleep (I am thinking of putting earplugs by the bedside.) He was pleased with the move because it meant MY computer was kicked out so now the room is all his (except when guests come). There is space on the desk for him to luxuriate with two monitors, and a bookshelf to house his geeky books and knicknacks. A window next to him lets in lots of light, and opens to a lovely bamboo view. He has worked from home the last two days, in fact, to revel in it all.
There is a lot more crap that was in the old guest room that will have to go. We are incredibly short on storage space here, due to a severe lack of closets, and no garage or attic, per se. We did have some attic "wings" off our bedroom floored for storage, which helps some, but they are currently filled with luggage, holiday decorations and a classroom's worth of teaching supplies. Now I need to find a place for all the stuff (towels, books, candles, pottery, office supplies) that used to take up residence in the guest room. Some of it will have to go, though I am bad at that. But I know I can do it; in chipmunk fashion I have learned to carefully note each little corner, or unfilled shelf throughout the house that is not properly utilized. It is rewarding to eke out storage where at first glance there seemed to be none.
But all this takes energy. It is hard work to manage the typical amount of stuff one tends to possess these days (at least here, where we live)! That's why when I see old episodes of Little House on the Prairie, or other such things, I revel in the thought of paring down the household to what will roll in a wagon behind a pair of horses. Imagine that! The electric mixer would be out. So would that extra monitor!
And now, after being glued to cable news for a few days, I can't help but think of all those folks who are dealing with the total devastation of their houses, their neighborhood, their city. Getting out with nothing but their lives, and the shirts on their backs. And here I am trying to cram my extra stuff under the bed, or into cupboards. Egads, it is difficult to wrap one's mind around that. I feel lucky, thankful, sorry, horrified, odd.
27 Aug · Sat 2005
Someday, I wanna...
- go to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival
- take my kids to the Oregon Country Fair
- have "concert buddies" who like the same music I do (so I do not have to go solo!)
- play on a softball team again
- learn how to scuba
- get in shape!
- teach art
- take a photography class
- learn how to knit
- own a coffeeshop/teahouse
- or a bookstore
- or an art gallery
- or a combination thereof
- have a gourmet/professional kitchen
- and host lots of parties in it
- learn how to make artisanal breads
- have a garden that actually gets full sun
- get a bigger studio
- make sure its away from the house (and the phone, and the internet)
- have my art in a gallery show
- make a living off my art
- have a group of friends who've also adopted
- watch our kids play together
- get more use out of our tent
- have a house large enough for multiple dogs
- and large family gatherings
- hire a housekeeper
- teach my children to read
- or other people's children
- or teach adults to read
- go rock climbing
- publish a book
- do an art residency
- maybe in Vermont, or Maine
- or a nice little beach town
- own a boat
- live in a neighborhood where you can walk to things
- learn how to ride a bike in the city
21 Aug · Sun 2005
Photo Friday: One
Balloon at Sunrise, 2002
This is my entry for the current Photo Friday contest — this weeks theme is One.
Balloon at Sunrise, 2002
This is my entry for the current Photo Friday contest — this weeks theme is One.
Open Adoption: A Few Myths Debunked
Here are a few myths I've encountered about open adoption, things that I either read or see in the media or hear from folks in real life, that I've found just not to be true. I realize that many details vary from region to region, agency to agency, situation to situation. There are so many ways and types of adoption, and, of course, huge variances in what folks consider an "open adoption". Many of the stats I quote below are specific to our agency, they are not necessarily the norm -- just my experience. All the birthmothers are teenagers and/or drug users. No, not true. At my agency the average birthmother age is 24.5, the average birthfather age is 28. Sure, sometimes birthparents are very young, but that is not the norm. Sometimes they are single women or college students, or married or unmarried couples who already have children but know they cannot manage another at this time. Since most adoption plans are the result of unplanned pregnancies, it is true that some babies have early exposure to drugs or alcohol, often just until the mother realizes she is pregnant. This type of usage is often not significant and the babies are likely to be born healthy (this is my own conclusion, based on research, I am NOT a doctor). Of course, higher amounts of drug/alcohol exposure can occur, and adoptive parents can decide for themselves what level of exposure they are comfortable with. At our agency last year, 75% of birthmothers claimed no drug or alcohol usage; of those that did use drugs or alcohol during pregnancy, only 5% fell into the "moderate" to "severe" category (which are still rather undefined, relative terms). With open adoption, there's a good chance the birth mother will change her mind/take back the child. She can do it at any time. No way! Once the paperwork is signed, the adoption is final! Though you wouldn't know it from the media, there are relatively good adoption laws in the US that guide and protect those going through the adoption process. They do, unfortunately, vary from state to state, so it is important to do your research and find a professional who knows what he or she is doing. With open adoption, as with closed adoption, birth parents sign consents and/or have their parental rights terminated, after which they cannot change their minds and decide to parent. In our region, this usually happens 24-48 hours after the birth of the child. Nationwide, I have seen a statistic (sorry, can't document where it came from, though) that adoption "reversals" occur in something like .01% of the time, and this is likely due to poor legal advice, or people unfortunately choosing to break the law by ignoring birthfather rights or using coercion to influence a birthmother's decision. It costs a fortune/takes years to adopt a baby domestically. No, usually not! Well, the term "fortune" is a relative term. Yes, having a baby join the family by any means is going to cost a lot of money! Domestic adoption costs are usually equivalent to adopting internationally, which, I have been told (but have no first hand experience, obviously) is often the same as a C-section, without health insurance. This is still quite a bit of money, and a difficult obstacle to overcome for some families. That is the reality of using the services provided by professionals in the medical and legal fields in our country (it is not that babies are being "sold" by adoption agencies). The US government offers a tax credit for adoption costs, which helps adoptive families significantly. Of course, fees range all over the place, from very low to very high, depending on the agency and the extent and variety of services offered. It is wise to research well and weigh what adoption services are important to you (such as counseling, legal fees, mediation, etc). The time factor does vary from situation to situation. The average wait at our agency (once paperwork is filed) is about 9 months. However, many times it is much, much quicker! It is true that, unlike international adoption, with domestic open adoptions you rarely (if ever?) have a set time line, since once you are "in the pool" your wait depends on being chosen by a birth family. Personally, I know many folks who have been matched and have taken their baby home within months of being done with paperwork. For us, it is likely that our domestic adoption will occur much faster than if we had gone the international route. You will probably have to pay tons of money for birthmother expenses. Actually, stats from our agency show that 95% of birthmothers had health insurance and that half of all birthmothers do not have any extra expenses at all. We were also given an average figure for birthmother expenses, if they do occur, which was very reasonable. In my research, I have found it wise to look for an agency that helps birthmothers in need find the programs and public assistance they qualify for, and which does not match more than 3 months before the due date, so that expenses can be minimized. The birthparents will want frequent contact and will probably want more and more as time goes by. They will visit whenever they want. In our form of open adoption, all parties make up a contract which explicitly lays out the type and frequency of contact. Our agency's standard is a 3 visits a year, plus letters and photos. Many times, this minimum is surpassed quickly, as both families become friends and mutually decide on more frequent contact (this is what we are hoping for!) From what I've heard from others, it seems the adoptive parents tend to take a lead here, working to engage with the birth family to maintain contact, not the other way around. Birthmothers sometimes distance themselves in an effort to heal, or as their lives become busy as time goes by. As with any relationship, boundaries need to be worked out, so that all involved feel comfortable. If there are misunderstandings or issues that arise regarding contact, the agency will assist in mediation. I have read many stories online about birthmothers entering into an open adoption, only to have the adoptive parents totally change their tune and disregard the adoption contract once the adoption is final. In most states (if not all?), this is legal, as "adoption contracts" are not legally enforceable. I find this appalling -- what a heartless thing to do to another human being! If you do not want an open adoption, don't enter into one, there are other options! If a birthmothers relinquishment is legally binding, I think an adoptive parents consent to visits and contact should be as well (barring any unsafe behavior, or if it puts the child or family at risk or extreme distress). I suppose there are tricky extenuating circumstances that come into play here, of which I really don't know much about. Still. We are eagerly looking forward to contact with our child's birth family, and will do everything we can to maintain contact and honor our open adoption agreement. If your child knows her birthparents she will decide to go back to them if she is mad/when she is 18. The birthmother can undermine the adoptive parents authority; open adoption is co parenting. Open adoption is not co parenting; the adoptive parents are the legal and emotional parents and have all the rights and responsibilities that go along with it. The birthparents, having chosen the adoptive family and entered into the open adoption agreement, are there to support the adoptive parents of the child, and will do so if necessary. They made the very difficult decision to plan an adoption for thier baby, and will continue to want what is best for the child. Also, children know who their parents are; they know who has been there for them in the tough times as well as the good. In many open adoptions, birthparents are like another friend of the family, an aunt, uncle, or a cousin (though of course with a special bond, which I would imagine grows as the child gets older and understands the situation more fully). Birthparents are not a mystery or a fantasy, they are regular human beings with faults and weaknesses, as well as strengths.
Here are a few myths I've encountered about open adoption, things that I either read or see in the media or hear from folks in real life, that I've found just not to be true. I realize that many details vary from region to region, agency to agency, situation to situation. There are so many ways and types of adoption, and, of course, huge variances in what folks consider an "open adoption". Many of the stats I quote below are specific to our agency, they are not necessarily the norm -- just my experience. All the birthmothers are teenagers and/or drug users. No, not true. At my agency the average birthmother age is 24.5, the average birthfather age is 28. Sure, sometimes birthparents are very young, but that is not the norm. Sometimes they are single women or college students, or married or unmarried couples who already have children but know they cannot manage another at this time. Since most adoption plans are the result of unplanned pregnancies, it is true that some babies have early exposure to drugs or alcohol, often just until the mother realizes she is pregnant. This type of usage is often not significant and the babies are likely to be born healthy (this is my own conclusion, based on research, I am NOT a doctor). Of course, higher amounts of drug/alcohol exposure can occur, and adoptive parents can decide for themselves what level of exposure they are comfortable with. At our agency last year, 75% of birthmothers claimed no drug or alcohol usage; of those that did use drugs or alcohol during pregnancy, only 5% fell into the "moderate" to "severe" category (which are still rather undefined, relative terms). With open adoption, there's a good chance the birth mother will change her mind/take back the child. She can do it at any time. No way! Once the paperwork is signed, the adoption is final! Though you wouldn't know it from the media, there are relatively good adoption laws in the US that guide and protect those going through the adoption process. They do, unfortunately, vary from state to state, so it is important to do your research and find a professional who knows what he or she is doing. With open adoption, as with closed adoption, birth parents sign consents and/or have their parental rights terminated, after which they cannot change their minds and decide to parent. In our region, this usually happens 24-48 hours after the birth of the child. Nationwide, I have seen a statistic (sorry, can't document where it came from, though) that adoption "reversals" occur in something like .01% of the time, and this is likely due to poor legal advice, or people unfortunately choosing to break the law by ignoring birthfather rights or using coercion to influence a birthmother's decision. It costs a fortune/takes years to adopt a baby domestically. No, usually not! Well, the term "fortune" is a relative term. Yes, having a baby join the family by any means is going to cost a lot of money! Domestic adoption costs are usually equivalent to adopting internationally, which, I have been told (but have no first hand experience, obviously) is often the same as a C-section, without health insurance. This is still quite a bit of money, and a difficult obstacle to overcome for some families. That is the reality of using the services provided by professionals in the medical and legal fields in our country (it is not that babies are being "sold" by adoption agencies). The US government offers a tax credit for adoption costs, which helps adoptive families significantly. Of course, fees range all over the place, from very low to very high, depending on the agency and the extent and variety of services offered. It is wise to research well and weigh what adoption services are important to you (such as counseling, legal fees, mediation, etc). The time factor does vary from situation to situation. The average wait at our agency (once paperwork is filed) is about 9 months. However, many times it is much, much quicker! It is true that, unlike international adoption, with domestic open adoptions you rarely (if ever?) have a set time line, since once you are "in the pool" your wait depends on being chosen by a birth family. Personally, I know many folks who have been matched and have taken their baby home within months of being done with paperwork. For us, it is likely that our domestic adoption will occur much faster than if we had gone the international route. You will probably have to pay tons of money for birthmother expenses. Actually, stats from our agency show that 95% of birthmothers had health insurance and that half of all birthmothers do not have any extra expenses at all. We were also given an average figure for birthmother expenses, if they do occur, which was very reasonable. In my research, I have found it wise to look for an agency that helps birthmothers in need find the programs and public assistance they qualify for, and which does not match more than 3 months before the due date, so that expenses can be minimized. The birthparents will want frequent contact and will probably want more and more as time goes by. They will visit whenever they want. In our form of open adoption, all parties make up a contract which explicitly lays out the type and frequency of contact. Our agency's standard is a 3 visits a year, plus letters and photos. Many times, this minimum is surpassed quickly, as both families become friends and mutually decide on more frequent contact (this is what we are hoping for!) From what I've heard from others, it seems the adoptive parents tend to take a lead here, working to engage with the birth family to maintain contact, not the other way around. Birthmothers sometimes distance themselves in an effort to heal, or as their lives become busy as time goes by. As with any relationship, boundaries need to be worked out, so that all involved feel comfortable. If there are misunderstandings or issues that arise regarding contact, the agency will assist in mediation. I have read many stories online about birthmothers entering into an open adoption, only to have the adoptive parents totally change their tune and disregard the adoption contract once the adoption is final. In most states (if not all?), this is legal, as "adoption contracts" are not legally enforceable. I find this appalling -- what a heartless thing to do to another human being! If you do not want an open adoption, don't enter into one, there are other options! If a birthmothers relinquishment is legally binding, I think an adoptive parents consent to visits and contact should be as well (barring any unsafe behavior, or if it puts the child or family at risk or extreme distress). I suppose there are tricky extenuating circumstances that come into play here, of which I really don't know much about. Still. We are eagerly looking forward to contact with our child's birth family, and will do everything we can to maintain contact and honor our open adoption agreement. If your child knows her birthparents she will decide to go back to them if she is mad/when she is 18. The birthmother can undermine the adoptive parents authority; open adoption is co parenting. Open adoption is not co parenting; the adoptive parents are the legal and emotional parents and have all the rights and responsibilities that go along with it. The birthparents, having chosen the adoptive family and entered into the open adoption agreement, are there to support the adoptive parents of the child, and will do so if necessary. They made the very difficult decision to plan an adoption for thier baby, and will continue to want what is best for the child. Also, children know who their parents are; they know who has been there for them in the tough times as well as the good. In many open adoptions, birthparents are like another friend of the family, an aunt, uncle, or a cousin (though of course with a special bond, which I would imagine grows as the child gets older and understands the situation more fully). Birthparents are not a mystery or a fantasy, they are regular human beings with faults and weaknesses, as well as strengths.
19 Aug · Fri 2005
A happy beginning
I wanted to link to Chez Miscarriage today, as Grrl, in the last day or two, has posted the long awaited story of her son's birth. You better read it quick, however, because she does not leave her archives up (due to plagerism in the past) so it will likely be replaced in the very near future. Will post more soon. Promise.
I wanted to link to Chez Miscarriage today, as Grrl, in the last day or two, has posted the long awaited story of her son's birth. You better read it quick, however, because she does not leave her archives up (due to plagerism in the past) so it will likely be replaced in the very near future. Will post more soon. Promise.
16 Aug · Tue 2005
Don't Speed on Highway 22
I know, I know, its been awhile since I posted. I have been out of town for some of it, not all. That is my excuse, and I am sticking to it. On Thursday night we headed south to my husbands family reunion. We stayed at my parents house, ideally located at the halfway mark of our journey (and who also provide free dogsitting, which is always appreciated). Friday we headed into Oregon, had a good time meeting and catching up with some extended family, spent a little time one afternoon on a lake (where I stupidly acquired an unfortunate sunburn on the backs of my legs, of which I am still complaining), and all and all had a very good time. The worst part of the weekend was the drive home, where I (again, somewhat stupidly) found myself the recipient of an Oregon speeding ticket (which, due to the officer's horrendous handwriting, we at first thought was a whopping $737!!! This caused much undue stress, as I later realized the first 7 was a 2. Whew!) In my defense, I was passing, mind you, and everyone knows how painful it is to be stuck behind a truck lugging a trailer on a two lane rural highway in the mountains. Yes? It should have been my husband getting the ticket, really, he is so much worse than I. So much! Alas, luck was not on my side on Sunday. Another recent event had to do with computers. Because of shifting priorities that guide the precious use of space in our smallish house, our "computer room" is in the process of becoming a "computer/guest room" (so that the other room can be used as a....uh, you know....room for a new resident, if one were to come someday...) However, I pity the guest that has to sleep with my husbands two computers humming away! Because we really cannot turn them off; they both do important things like hosting this very website, recording Modern Marvels, Mythbusters, and other geeky TV shows that air in the middle of the night, and maintaining various other important networkly duties. Perhaps we will provide earplugs along with mints on the pillow.... My computer, however, can stand alone and has hence moved into my studio:
Note the lovely $15 garage sale desk it is sitting on. Yes, it was a steal! We paid more for the truck we had to rent to take it home. I have to get something better than the current footstool to put the computer itself on; the wireless signal was weak to nonexistent if it sat on the floor.
There are pluses and minuses to this move. On the good side, my computer is now in a room that is all mine, so I can leave things around and not worry about bothering my husband (or be equally annoyed by his ever-evolving mounds of crap.) Perhaps now that my computer is in a more creative space, my writing will also be more inspired. I have a feeling I will find myself doing art more often, because I will be spending more time here in the studio and I am easily inticed once I am in here. Another bonus, my keyboard is mere steps to both the teakettle and our makeshift bar! However, much further from the bathroom, which is unfortunate due to the aforementioned location to beverages.
The downside to computer in studio is that it could be very distracting. I have avoided doing it thus far because of this fear. I am addicted to the Internet, as you all know, and I worry I will find myself checking email or blogs when I should be thinking about and working on my art. Also, my husband and I can no longer geekily compute side by side, which we have been known to do quite frequently — it was much more social. Shucks.
Well, I have two adoption posts in the works and will try to get them finished and posted in the next few days. Coming soon....debunking open adoption myths, and my thoughts on one cause of conflict and negativity that can get in the way of open adoption...
I know, I know, its been awhile since I posted. I have been out of town for some of it, not all. That is my excuse, and I am sticking to it. On Thursday night we headed south to my husbands family reunion. We stayed at my parents house, ideally located at the halfway mark of our journey (and who also provide free dogsitting, which is always appreciated). Friday we headed into Oregon, had a good time meeting and catching up with some extended family, spent a little time one afternoon on a lake (where I stupidly acquired an unfortunate sunburn on the backs of my legs, of which I am still complaining), and all and all had a very good time. The worst part of the weekend was the drive home, where I (again, somewhat stupidly) found myself the recipient of an Oregon speeding ticket (which, due to the officer's horrendous handwriting, we at first thought was a whopping $737!!! This caused much undue stress, as I later realized the first 7 was a 2. Whew!) In my defense, I was passing, mind you, and everyone knows how painful it is to be stuck behind a truck lugging a trailer on a two lane rural highway in the mountains. Yes? It should have been my husband getting the ticket, really, he is so much worse than I. So much! Alas, luck was not on my side on Sunday. Another recent event had to do with computers. Because of shifting priorities that guide the precious use of space in our smallish house, our "computer room" is in the process of becoming a "computer/guest room" (so that the other room can be used as a....uh, you know....room for a new resident, if one were to come someday...) However, I pity the guest that has to sleep with my husbands two computers humming away! Because we really cannot turn them off; they both do important things like hosting this very website, recording Modern Marvels, Mythbusters, and other geeky TV shows that air in the middle of the night, and maintaining various other important networkly duties. Perhaps we will provide earplugs along with mints on the pillow.... My computer, however, can stand alone and has hence moved into my studio:
Note the lovely $15 garage sale desk it is sitting on. Yes, it was a steal! We paid more for the truck we had to rent to take it home. I have to get something better than the current footstool to put the computer itself on; the wireless signal was weak to nonexistent if it sat on the floor.
There are pluses and minuses to this move. On the good side, my computer is now in a room that is all mine, so I can leave things around and not worry about bothering my husband (or be equally annoyed by his ever-evolving mounds of crap.) Perhaps now that my computer is in a more creative space, my writing will also be more inspired. I have a feeling I will find myself doing art more often, because I will be spending more time here in the studio and I am easily inticed once I am in here. Another bonus, my keyboard is mere steps to both the teakettle and our makeshift bar! However, much further from the bathroom, which is unfortunate due to the aforementioned location to beverages.
The downside to computer in studio is that it could be very distracting. I have avoided doing it thus far because of this fear. I am addicted to the Internet, as you all know, and I worry I will find myself checking email or blogs when I should be thinking about and working on my art. Also, my husband and I can no longer geekily compute side by side, which we have been known to do quite frequently — it was much more social. Shucks.
Well, I have two adoption posts in the works and will try to get them finished and posted in the next few days. Coming soon....debunking open adoption myths, and my thoughts on one cause of conflict and negativity that can get in the way of open adoption...
10 Aug · Wed 2005
New name, same great school
I just wanted to say yeah! to the cool changes I see over at one of my favorite places, a school here in Seattle now known as the Giddens School. Until now its been known as The Happy Medium School, but they recently changed their name in honor of Huda Giddens, who founded the school in 1972. A new name, a new website, and a facelift in store for the buildings and grounds this fall, thanks to the NAIOP Community Enhancement Project! I first heard about this happenin' place when assigned a book in grad school, called Starting Small put out by the Southern Poverty Law Center. They were featured in the book because of the great anti-bias work they do there at the preschool (and school age) level. I only taught there for a year, but in that time I was able to see and experience what a great place it is, not just for kids but for grown-ups, too! I have been volunteering there ever since, and love keeping in touch with old friends and meeting new. It is a very child-centered school, not high-pressured like the others I've taught at, and so diverse, in many, many ways. Families of all sorts are welcome and embraced, there is a lot of parent involvement, and a strong community feel to the school. Each child is truly accepted for who they are, they thrive and learn so much, academically and socially. I can only hope my kids will be able to be to know it too, someday...
I just wanted to say yeah! to the cool changes I see over at one of my favorite places, a school here in Seattle now known as the Giddens School. Until now its been known as The Happy Medium School, but they recently changed their name in honor of Huda Giddens, who founded the school in 1972. A new name, a new website, and a facelift in store for the buildings and grounds this fall, thanks to the NAIOP Community Enhancement Project! I first heard about this happenin' place when assigned a book in grad school, called Starting Small put out by the Southern Poverty Law Center. They were featured in the book because of the great anti-bias work they do there at the preschool (and school age) level. I only taught there for a year, but in that time I was able to see and experience what a great place it is, not just for kids but for grown-ups, too! I have been volunteering there ever since, and love keeping in touch with old friends and meeting new. It is a very child-centered school, not high-pressured like the others I've taught at, and so diverse, in many, many ways. Families of all sorts are welcome and embraced, there is a lot of parent involvement, and a strong community feel to the school. Each child is truly accepted for who they are, they thrive and learn so much, academically and socially. I can only hope my kids will be able to be to know it too, someday...
09 Aug · Tue 2005
I have succumbed...
To the tagging game. Here it goes: 5 years ago today — I had just moved up to Seattle after grad school. Living in sin! I was looking for my first teaching job and would do job searches and fill out/deliver applications all day (well, knowing me it wasn't all day!). I wouldn't find one (well, in fact, it found me) until the very end of the month, about 5 days before school started, at this school. It was a pretty good one, but HUGE! Egads, the stress of it all!Yesterday One Year Ago — Sorry, I like this one better! But still, I have no idea what I was doing....I'm hoping the blog thing will help me with that in the future! I was probably painting the house (and look, a year later I am almost finished!), just getting started on encaustic painting, and perhaps (guiltily) playing The Sims.
Today — I will be editing our Dear Birthmother letter, volunteering at Page Ahead, and playing kickball. Nice!
5 snacks I enjoy — MMMMM....mango, shrimp, avocado, chocolate, corn chips (dipped in that fake plastic nacho cheese in a jar....yum!!!)
5 bands/singers whose songs I know most of the lyrics to — Ha, thats easy. The Grateful Dead, The Big Wu, Willie Nelson, Paul Simon, Ellis. An odd mix, perhaps!
5 things I would do with a million bucks — Pay off loans, buy a bigger house, make savings/investment accounts for (future) kids school/college, invest, donate to charities (and a sixth, of course, would be buy something fun! Like a boat! Or a beach house! I am sensing a water theme here...)
5 bad habits I have — Leaving things around the house (the piles! I am a piler!), not folding clothes in a timely fashion, being self-absorbed, laziness, procrastination!!!!
5 things I like doing — Making art, going on trips, playing with the dog, reading blogs, gardening
5 things I would never wear — a miniskirt, lace anything, heels, a bikini, earrings. Note to self....do not send in that beauty pageant application...
5 famous people I'd like to meet have dinner with — Ermm....this could be embarrassing. I feel like I should pick really meaningful, intellectual ones, but of course I think first of movie/tv folks and rock stars! Well, how's this for an odd mix: Jamie Oliver (and he would cook, of course), Maya Angelou, Oprah (yes, I admit it, I watch too much TV), Nelson Mandela, Ellen DeGeneres (she will entertain us all and keep Oprah from hogging the conversation with Ms. Angelou and Mr. Mandela). If I could choose dinner guests that were no longer alive, I would pick William Stafford (my favorite poet), Jerry Garcia (I am still a Deadhead, you know, and today is the 10th anniversery of his death, sadly), Jim Henson, Rachel Carson, and Georgia O'Keeffe.
5 TV shows I like — Oh boy, more embarrassment. ER, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Desperate Housewives, The O.C., Arrested Development. Somehow I am guessing (hoping?) we will not be watching as much TV in the upcoming year, however...
5 movies I like 5 places I want to visit — Sorry, I had to change it, movies are too hard to remember, I forget even the best of them! But places, thats easy! Off the top of my head and in no particular order....Vermont, San Francisco, Italy, New Zealand, Hong Kong.
5 biggest joys at this moment — My darling husband, of course, our impending adoption, my current work situation, my good health (despite my hypochondriac tendencies), our family & friends.
5 people to tag — This is where I am supposed to specify 5 other bloggers who will then post this on their own blog. Ha...just like a good old chain-letter (do those exist non-electronically, anymore?) I, like Gawdessness, am going to leave that up to you, my readers. A lot of folks I know have already been tagged, and those who have not I don't feel I know well enough to tag yet (or I know they wouldn't want to do it). But I love meeting new folks, so please do it and let me know below if you do, with a link to your blog!
To the tagging game. Here it goes: 5 years ago today — I had just moved up to Seattle after grad school. Living in sin! I was looking for my first teaching job and would do job searches and fill out/deliver applications all day (well, knowing me it wasn't all day!). I wouldn't find one (well, in fact, it found me) until the very end of the month, about 5 days before school started, at this school. It was a pretty good one, but HUGE! Egads, the stress of it all!
06 Aug · Sat 2005
Chicken Sandwiches with Balsamic BBQ Sauce
Taken from the June (I think) issue of Sunset Magazine. They are quite delightful. We doubled the recipe for a party a couple weeks ago, though if it were just us we might half it instead. Or not, because it is so damn good and such an easy freezer dinner; just heat rolls, make a veggie, and microwave the already sauced chicken filling. Yum! Chicken Sandwiches with Balsamic BBQ Sauce 4 cups 1-2 inch chunks boned, skinned cooked chicken* Balsamic BBQ Sauce (see recipe below) 6 rolls of your choice (we like sourdough or the square ones) Sauce: 1 cup ketchup 3/4 cup balsamic vinegar 1/3 packed brown sugar 1/4 cup molasses 1 T Worcestershire sauce 1 (or more for us) clove minced garlic 1 t dry mustard 1 t ground ginger (I added more, and it was fresh)** 1/2 t salt 1/4 t pepper Combine all sauce ingredients in a saucepan and simmer over medium heat, uncovered, stirring occasionally. Cook for about 12-15 minutes, or until mixture reduces to about 2 cups. Use warm or at room temperature. In a large bowl, mix chicken and sauce. Slice rolls (you can tear out some of the excess bread for easier filling/eating) and divide chicken mixture evenly. You can wrap sandwiches and chill for up to 4 hours (they have never made it longer than 15 minutes at our house, however). Enjoy! *About equivalent to a 4lb roast chicken, though you can also use 4 baked chicken breasts (about 2lbs total). **Just wanted to share our ginger trick, which is to keep a hunk of fresh ginger wrapped in plastic in the freezer. It grates easily (no need to peel), lasts for months, and is SO much better than the powdered kind.
Taken from the June (I think) issue of Sunset Magazine. They are quite delightful. We doubled the recipe for a party a couple weeks ago, though if it were just us we might half it instead. Or not, because it is so damn good and such an easy freezer dinner; just heat rolls, make a veggie, and microwave the already sauced chicken filling. Yum! Chicken Sandwiches with Balsamic BBQ Sauce 4 cups 1-2 inch chunks boned, skinned cooked chicken* Balsamic BBQ Sauce (see recipe below) 6 rolls of your choice (we like sourdough or the square ones) Sauce: 1 cup ketchup 3/4 cup balsamic vinegar 1/3 packed brown sugar 1/4 cup molasses 1 T Worcestershire sauce 1 (or more for us) clove minced garlic 1 t dry mustard 1 t ground ginger (I added more, and it was fresh)** 1/2 t salt 1/4 t pepper Combine all sauce ingredients in a saucepan and simmer over medium heat, uncovered, stirring occasionally. Cook for about 12-15 minutes, or until mixture reduces to about 2 cups. Use warm or at room temperature. In a large bowl, mix chicken and sauce. Slice rolls (you can tear out some of the excess bread for easier filling/eating) and divide chicken mixture evenly. You can wrap sandwiches and chill for up to 4 hours (they have never made it longer than 15 minutes at our house, however). Enjoy! *About equivalent to a 4lb roast chicken, though you can also use 4 baked chicken breasts (about 2lbs total). **Just wanted to share our ginger trick, which is to keep a hunk of fresh ginger wrapped in plastic in the freezer. It grates easily (no need to peel), lasts for months, and is SO much better than the powdered kind.
04 Aug · Thu 2005
Link to a post
I just wanted to share this piece of writing. It is months old, and I have not read the rest of her blog, but I thought it was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Cate.
I just wanted to share this piece of writing. It is months old, and I have not read the rest of her blog, but I thought it was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Cate.
02 Aug · Tue 2005
The One Where We Ponder the Reality of This Impending Adoption
While it may seem to the outside observer that our adoption stuff is moving along smoothly, to us it is more like little frenzied bursts of activity, then slow, long bits of waiting, then a lot to do, then nothing again, etc. Rinse and repeat. This week has been one of the busy times. Mostly due to our combined love affair with procrastination. In the past few days we've finished the first draft of our "dear birthparent" letter (note, we did NOT begin, "dear birthparent", we opened with "Hi". How's that for bucking the system?), finished the first draft of Lonnie's bio, cleaned the house, and had our first home visit. We had months to do those first two items, and weeks/days to do the third, but it took us until the days before they were due (well, the day of for the cleaning, of course) to get them done. This is very similar to how I worked in high school, college, and while teaching. Self motivation is not my strongest suit. It appears, at least for some things (that involve reading or writing, for instance), that neither is it for Lonnie. Anyway, the meeting went well, and we are on for another one this Friday. Then one more, individually, next week. We still have to put together some photographs, and revise the letter and our bios a bit. But there is light at the end of the paperwork tunnel. We can see it there, a golden glowing pinhead of light. We are also told things may happen very very quickly once we are out of the tunnel and "into the pool," as they say. Like, any time after September, quickly. On one hand, this thought is rather pleasing to us; its been a long 3 and a half years. I kind of enjoy the thought that I may be the equivalant of 7 or 8 months along, with no strech marks or swollen feet. I can still drink, and tonight I may play some kickball. But I cannot let myself think that, forgetting that out there somewhere is a birthmother, who is uncomfortable, probably in pain, and definitely stressed and emotionally drained right now. She is dealing with the hard reality of a pregnancy, not me. And after all that, she will not have the joy of taking that baby home. That is not fair, at all. I don't know her yet, but I am sad for her. I wish I could take that burden from her. In any case, we will have to get our asses in gear soon. Perhaps a few purchases will be made and stashed away, "just in case". It feels like the last few years all over again, as we try to plan our lives around fuzzy possibilities. At our agency last year, 30% of the placements were last minute placements. Which can be exciting, but also rather terrifying. You have to make decisions quickly, contact doctors if there are conditions to worry about and decide, sometimes within hours. In terms of open adoption, it is also closer to an arranged marriage than any other type of match — you really have no time to get to know the person you are committing to, for life. And then there's the whole, where the &*$# are we going to put the baby, etc, etc, etc (and no, despite that possibility, we do not intend to have a whole stocked nursery waiting). There are definitely bonuses to being matched a few months early; you can ease into the relationship slowly, build a friendship with the birth family ahead of time, make sure everything feels right to you and them. You have time to make plans. BUT, there are also negatives to pre-placement matching. I have learned from some birthmothers that it can feel coercive. That they start to feel like they can't change their mind, that they don't want to hurt your feelings, even though they are having second thoughts. That is not the kind of pressure we want to put on anyone. Absolutely not. For adoptive parents, too, those weeks and months of waiting are often fraught with worry and obsession; what if the match falls through? After all the bonding, planning, attachment that has already occurred? It is a lot to think about. And think about it we do, frequently, perhaps obsessively. During the inevitable slow times, its really all we can do. This week, happily, is not one of those times.
While it may seem to the outside observer that our adoption stuff is moving along smoothly, to us it is more like little frenzied bursts of activity, then slow, long bits of waiting, then a lot to do, then nothing again, etc. Rinse and repeat. This week has been one of the busy times. Mostly due to our combined love affair with procrastination. In the past few days we've finished the first draft of our "dear birthparent" letter (note, we did NOT begin, "dear birthparent", we opened with "Hi". How's that for bucking the system?), finished the first draft of Lonnie's bio, cleaned the house, and had our first home visit. We had months to do those first two items, and weeks/days to do the third, but it took us until the days before they were due (well, the day of for the cleaning, of course) to get them done. This is very similar to how I worked in high school, college, and while teaching. Self motivation is not my strongest suit. It appears, at least for some things (that involve reading or writing, for instance), that neither is it for Lonnie. Anyway, the meeting went well, and we are on for another one this Friday. Then one more, individually, next week. We still have to put together some photographs, and revise the letter and our bios a bit. But there is light at the end of the paperwork tunnel. We can see it there, a golden glowing pinhead of light. We are also told things may happen very very quickly once we are out of the tunnel and "into the pool," as they say. Like, any time after September, quickly. On one hand, this thought is rather pleasing to us; its been a long 3 and a half years. I kind of enjoy the thought that I may be the equivalant of 7 or 8 months along, with no strech marks or swollen feet. I can still drink, and tonight I may play some kickball. But I cannot let myself think that, forgetting that out there somewhere is a birthmother, who is uncomfortable, probably in pain, and definitely stressed and emotionally drained right now. She is dealing with the hard reality of a pregnancy, not me. And after all that, she will not have the joy of taking that baby home. That is not fair, at all. I don't know her yet, but I am sad for her. I wish I could take that burden from her. In any case, we will have to get our asses in gear soon. Perhaps a few purchases will be made and stashed away, "just in case". It feels like the last few years all over again, as we try to plan our lives around fuzzy possibilities. At our agency last year, 30% of the placements were last minute placements. Which can be exciting, but also rather terrifying. You have to make decisions quickly, contact doctors if there are conditions to worry about and decide, sometimes within hours. In terms of open adoption, it is also closer to an arranged marriage than any other type of match — you really have no time to get to know the person you are committing to, for life. And then there's the whole, where the &*$# are we going to put the baby, etc, etc, etc (and no, despite that possibility, we do not intend to have a whole stocked nursery waiting). There are definitely bonuses to being matched a few months early; you can ease into the relationship slowly, build a friendship with the birth family ahead of time, make sure everything feels right to you and them. You have time to make plans. BUT, there are also negatives to pre-placement matching. I have learned from some birthmothers that it can feel coercive. That they start to feel like they can't change their mind, that they don't want to hurt your feelings, even though they are having second thoughts. That is not the kind of pressure we want to put on anyone. Absolutely not. For adoptive parents, too, those weeks and months of waiting are often fraught with worry and obsession; what if the match falls through? After all the bonding, planning, attachment that has already occurred? It is a lot to think about. And think about it we do, frequently, perhaps obsessively. During the inevitable slow times, its really all we can do. This week, happily, is not one of those times.
01 Aug · Mon 2005
Need a t-shirt?
So a few friends of mine have started a little T-shirt biz. Each shirt is a unique, hand-screened original (which means, of course, you will never find yourself in a room with someone wearing the same thing!). They are labeled on the inside with a number, and you can see each one on the website (it appears not quite all of them are up yet, though I bet they will be soon). Click on the man on the bottom left to see the shirts. I particularly enjoy numbers 23, 25, 35 and 37. This weekend they were selling them at the Capital Hill Block Party here in Seattle. They have also been known to hawk their wares at the Fremont Sunday Market on occasion. You can email them if you want to buy one over the web. Do it! Buy a shirt, wear some art! www.cockbloc.com
So a few friends of mine have started a little T-shirt biz. Each shirt is a unique, hand-screened original (which means, of course, you will never find yourself in a room with someone wearing the same thing!). They are labeled on the inside with a number, and you can see each one on the website (it appears not quite all of them are up yet, though I bet they will be soon). Click on the man on the bottom left to see the shirts. I particularly enjoy numbers 23, 25, 35 and 37. This weekend they were selling them at the Capital Hill Block Party here in Seattle. They have also been known to hawk their wares at the Fremont Sunday Market on occasion. You can email them if you want to buy one over the web. Do it! Buy a shirt, wear some art! www.cockbloc.com
