Glad to finally see a discussion on this: Adoptive Breastfeeding!
Wow, just read a really thoughtful post over on the wide tent by mamamarta. She is giving her thoughts on adoptive breastfeeding, something I had discovered and was contemplating when we were in the midst of the adoption stuff. It is an issue that is quite controversial, as you can see by the discussion following this post by AfrIndie Mum (she also wrote a follow-up, here ).
I do like the idea very much, and think the health and nutritive benefits of breastfeeding are really something to consider, with adopted as well as biological babies. But I do understand that the prep involved (which is not always or completely necessary, but is helpful) could add pressure to a pregnant woman considering placement and has the potential to be coersive. My opinion is that adoptive breastfeeding is something that should absolutely be openly discussed and agreed to before matching or placement, and that the first mother's wishes be respected on this. The idea of keeping this kind of thing from a first mother or not respecting her wishes on it is seems totally against the spirit of openness in adoption that I feel so strongly about. On the other hand, I wonder if, even with this openness, it is possible for a pregnant woman considering adoption to not feel some pressure to place, knowing that breastfeeding prep is going on? It would take a very dedicated and ethical agency and counselors, to minimize this, I would imagine...tricky stuff indeed.
21 Feb · Tue 2006
On Knocking Out The Tigers, Etc
So things are going well in our birthing classes. They are based loosely on the book Birthing From Within, which I have been reading (slowly) over the past few weeks as well. One exercise we had last week, which we were supposed to ponder over the week as homework, was our “deepest question” about childbirth and/or parenting. In the book, Pam England refers to something similar, when talking about finding your “tiger”, or your deep-seated fears or worries about childbirth and/or parenting. The concept is that just like a physical threat (like a tiger showing up while you are trying to give birth), even imagined or perceived dangers — things in your mind — can engage the body's fight or flight response, affect your physiology, and therefore slow or stop your labor from progressing until it is dealt with (or, more likely, you get unpleasant interventions to “move things along”). These are not fleeting worries, but the kind that tend to recur, over and over again. Things like being uncomfortable or not trusting your doctor/birth attendant, not being comfortable with the place where you are giving birth, feeling not ready or unable to be a parent, etc. Ideally, you ponder this all ahead of time, recognize and deal with the tigers ahead of time, so that you are at peace when it is time to labor. The others in the class all had some great worries/fears/questions, which all seemed important to deal with. There was emotion, some people opened up and were really honest and truthful about their questions. Lots of concerns about being a good parent, and self-perception,etc. Yes, very touchy-feely indeed. I felt weird, because I can't come up with any questions. My tiger is that I think I have no tigers. Am I just hiding something from myself? Ignoring the tigers? I don't think so, but it could be. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of worries!!! Mostly about birth. Will I be able to handle the pain without drugs? Will I be a big wimp and change my mind about drugs right from the start, or right at the end when things get really tough, just because the are easily available (despite my beliefs that they can cause more problems down the line)? Will I be able to assert myself and represent my desires even if they conflict with those of the hospital staff? Especially when I am in pain and labor la la land? But these are all really normal worries, and things I can't really know until I am there, in the moment. Even if I do change my mind or the birth goes differently than I'd hoped, I am not too worried about being totally angst-ridden about it. I know I cannot control or plan the circumstances of my child's birth, though I can prepare myself and have some tools and methods of coping with whatever the outcome is. In truth, I know I had some of these “tigers” or “deep questions”, but I think in the process of all this trying and waiting for a baby, I have done the work, and have dealt with them. Whatever parenting questions or fears I had before have dissipated with my experiences working with young children, the years of thinking/dreaming/talking about parenting with Lonnie, and, of course, the whole adoption application process. There is nothing like proving yourself on paper, discussing your fears, strengths and weaknesses in hours of counseling and interview sessions, and having the people around you gush in writing about what great parents you will be to boost your confidence and make you feel ready for all of this. Though its intrusive and a pain in the ass, too, in some ways its a really great thing! However, dealing with the childbirth fears was a more recent affair. Those “tigers” are ones I've known I've had for years and years, but didn't make myself deal with until I actually got pregnant. Until recently, I was most definitely scared of the thought of childbirth. Terrified, might be a better description, actually! Mostly this stemmed from knowing very little about it all, and growing up in a culture that equates childbirth to danger, pain, and a medical problem to be managed and treated, not a natural process. As soon as I actually saw the two pink lines, I knew deep down I would finally have to deal with those fears. I eased myself into it, first just reading about pregnancy itself and avoiding the labor chapters, but since then I've come a long way and feel pretty good. I've gone from thinking I'd really much prefer to be totally knocked out with a scheduled c-section to actually wanting to participate fully and alertly with the whole birth thing, sans medical interventions. Thats a big change! So we shall see in the course of the next few months if any tigers decide to (re)appear. Right now I am feeling pretty good.
So things are going well in our birthing classes. They are based loosely on the book Birthing From Within, which I have been reading (slowly) over the past few weeks as well. One exercise we had last week, which we were supposed to ponder over the week as homework, was our “deepest question” about childbirth and/or parenting. In the book, Pam England refers to something similar, when talking about finding your “tiger”, or your deep-seated fears or worries about childbirth and/or parenting. The concept is that just like a physical threat (like a tiger showing up while you are trying to give birth), even imagined or perceived dangers — things in your mind — can engage the body's fight or flight response, affect your physiology, and therefore slow or stop your labor from progressing until it is dealt with (or, more likely, you get unpleasant interventions to “move things along”). These are not fleeting worries, but the kind that tend to recur, over and over again. Things like being uncomfortable or not trusting your doctor/birth attendant, not being comfortable with the place where you are giving birth, feeling not ready or unable to be a parent, etc. Ideally, you ponder this all ahead of time, recognize and deal with the tigers ahead of time, so that you are at peace when it is time to labor. The others in the class all had some great worries/fears/questions, which all seemed important to deal with. There was emotion, some people opened up and were really honest and truthful about their questions. Lots of concerns about being a good parent, and self-perception,etc. Yes, very touchy-feely indeed. I felt weird, because I can't come up with any questions. My tiger is that I think I have no tigers. Am I just hiding something from myself? Ignoring the tigers? I don't think so, but it could be. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of worries!!! Mostly about birth. Will I be able to handle the pain without drugs? Will I be a big wimp and change my mind about drugs right from the start, or right at the end when things get really tough, just because the are easily available (despite my beliefs that they can cause more problems down the line)? Will I be able to assert myself and represent my desires even if they conflict with those of the hospital staff? Especially when I am in pain and labor la la land? But these are all really normal worries, and things I can't really know until I am there, in the moment. Even if I do change my mind or the birth goes differently than I'd hoped, I am not too worried about being totally angst-ridden about it. I know I cannot control or plan the circumstances of my child's birth, though I can prepare myself and have some tools and methods of coping with whatever the outcome is. In truth, I know I had some of these “tigers” or “deep questions”, but I think in the process of all this trying and waiting for a baby, I have done the work, and have dealt with them. Whatever parenting questions or fears I had before have dissipated with my experiences working with young children, the years of thinking/dreaming/talking about parenting with Lonnie, and, of course, the whole adoption application process. There is nothing like proving yourself on paper, discussing your fears, strengths and weaknesses in hours of counseling and interview sessions, and having the people around you gush in writing about what great parents you will be to boost your confidence and make you feel ready for all of this. Though its intrusive and a pain in the ass, too, in some ways its a really great thing! However, dealing with the childbirth fears was a more recent affair. Those “tigers” are ones I've known I've had for years and years, but didn't make myself deal with until I actually got pregnant. Until recently, I was most definitely scared of the thought of childbirth. Terrified, might be a better description, actually! Mostly this stemmed from knowing very little about it all, and growing up in a culture that equates childbirth to danger, pain, and a medical problem to be managed and treated, not a natural process. As soon as I actually saw the two pink lines, I knew deep down I would finally have to deal with those fears. I eased myself into it, first just reading about pregnancy itself and avoiding the labor chapters, but since then I've come a long way and feel pretty good. I've gone from thinking I'd really much prefer to be totally knocked out with a scheduled c-section to actually wanting to participate fully and alertly with the whole birth thing, sans medical interventions. Thats a big change! So we shall see in the course of the next few months if any tigers decide to (re)appear. Right now I am feeling pretty good.
15 Feb · Wed 2006
mmmmmm, melted orange popsicle
So we had our 28 week OB appt today, and all seems to be well. Here's whats happening:
So we had our 28 week OB appt today, and all seems to be well. Here's whats happening:
- Had the glucose screen for gestational diabetes and will find out the results Friday. Did not think the syrupy drink was as bad as some make it out to be! Kinda tasted like flat orange soda, double strength tang, or melted orange popsicles. Although I was glad they let me have it cold, and didn't make me take in on an empty stomach like they do for some folks.
- Baby is head DOWN. Woo hoo! No guarantees she'll stay stay that way, but its a good start. That explains the constant heavy feeling on my bladder, too.
- The heartbeat was fine, and the doctor acknowledged yet again that she was moving around like crazy. Um, yes, that she is. All. The. Time.
- That leads us to another concern. Will she ever sleep when she comes out? Because right now it appears she is not. Really not at all. Very awake, all the time.
- Asked about the c-section rate for my OB's practice and the highness factor is slightly freaking me out. She stressed that it was under the national average (which is 25% I think?) but not by much. Egads. In the back of my mind I knew it would be up there, but hearing the actual number and her defending it was a little disconcerting. More on this soon, when I review a few books I've been reading and post about how our childbirth classes are going.
- So the leg cramps are back. 4 of them last night! I might have been dehydrated. I was having problems with them before but switching my vitamin taking to nighttime and adding a magnesium supplement had seemed to help a lot. Not last night, however. Ouch.
- Also pretty sure I have been having a few Braxton Hicks-ish cramps. Just a few, every once and awhile. Again could have been due to dehydration, though usually I am pretty good about that. It happened during a walk, and later the same night when she was doing her evening gymnastics routine (training for the Summer Olympics, 2024, though personally I'd prefer she choose another sport. Softball, swimming, or table tennis, perhaps?).
- Does "nesting" include thinking obsessively about moving furniture around the house? I have a huge list of things to be moved as I try to fit the new stuff in and reorganize the old. Lonnie is very good about humoring me, in time, but does not grasp the immediate importance of the situation. What do you mean you cannot move two dressers, a bookshelf, a table and a chair up (or down) our steep but tiny stairwell RIGHT NOW! Why on earth not?
07 Feb · Tue 2006
Have you ordered your puddle pads, yet?
Holy cow, I am starting to feel really pregnant. Had my first out of the blue "when are you due" comment from a cashier the other day (so far, no strangers rubbing my belly however). At just about 27 weeks, I still have a fair bit to go! The baby is moving all the time, and definitely getting bigger. I think she may be starting the hiccuping stage! My fancy maternity pillow is not solving all of the sleep issues, but it still helps a fair amount (and yahoo, Lonnie is getting used to it!). By morning my hips and lower back can be pretty sore, but it goes away for the most part after getting up and walking around a bit. I've been getting occasional leg cramps at night (a couple nights ago both legs at once, eeowch!) but if I take my prenatals at night instead of the morning and stay hydrated, that seems to help. Whew! Loving the heating pad, that is for sure! Yesterday I took the dog for a walk in the morning, then went shopping (to order our healthy crib mattress and an accompanying mattress pad and "puddle pad", which, yes, does sound quite like an urban yuppie dog product) and then on to Costco. My feet and calves were so sore the rest of the night! I think it was just too much time on my feet. That never used to happen. Bleh! In cheerier news, we are starting our childbirth classes this evening! We opted not for the hospital sponsored ones, but a series offered by a doula here in Seattle who bases her classes of the book Birthing From Within by Pam England. It will hopefully give us a lot of tools for going the natural route, if we can, though is not like some of them that give off the feeling that any and all medical interventions are considered a "failure", which I don't agree with. Lonnie is slightly nervous about the "birth art" activities that are part of the class. Ha! Hopefully it will not be too hippie dippy for him (though come on, he looks the part, does he not?)! He is still struggling through the birth stories I am making him read in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (a book I devoured in a few sittings and highly recommend, by the way). Sadly, I realized last week our birth classes conflict with the class at the YMCA I was planning on taking. Drat! And it seems there are no other prenatal aqua classes in all of Seattle! What about my beautiful swimsuit!?!? I may have to drag Lonnie along to the pool to do laps in the afternoons since I feel like I need a brush-up in pool lane swimming etiquette and that is totally his element. More soon, stay tuned...
Holy cow, I am starting to feel really pregnant. Had my first out of the blue "when are you due" comment from a cashier the other day (so far, no strangers rubbing my belly however). At just about 27 weeks, I still have a fair bit to go! The baby is moving all the time, and definitely getting bigger. I think she may be starting the hiccuping stage! My fancy maternity pillow is not solving all of the sleep issues, but it still helps a fair amount (and yahoo, Lonnie is getting used to it!). By morning my hips and lower back can be pretty sore, but it goes away for the most part after getting up and walking around a bit. I've been getting occasional leg cramps at night (a couple nights ago both legs at once, eeowch!) but if I take my prenatals at night instead of the morning and stay hydrated, that seems to help. Whew! Loving the heating pad, that is for sure! Yesterday I took the dog for a walk in the morning, then went shopping (to order our healthy crib mattress and an accompanying mattress pad and "puddle pad", which, yes, does sound quite like an urban yuppie dog product) and then on to Costco. My feet and calves were so sore the rest of the night! I think it was just too much time on my feet. That never used to happen. Bleh! In cheerier news, we are starting our childbirth classes this evening! We opted not for the hospital sponsored ones, but a series offered by a doula here in Seattle who bases her classes of the book Birthing From Within by Pam England. It will hopefully give us a lot of tools for going the natural route, if we can, though is not like some of them that give off the feeling that any and all medical interventions are considered a "failure", which I don't agree with. Lonnie is slightly nervous about the "birth art" activities that are part of the class. Ha! Hopefully it will not be too hippie dippy for him (though come on, he looks the part, does he not?)! He is still struggling through the birth stories I am making him read in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (a book I devoured in a few sittings and highly recommend, by the way). Sadly, I realized last week our birth classes conflict with the class at the YMCA I was planning on taking. Drat! And it seems there are no other prenatal aqua classes in all of Seattle! What about my beautiful swimsuit!?!? I may have to drag Lonnie along to the pool to do laps in the afternoons since I feel like I need a brush-up in pool lane swimming etiquette and that is totally his element. More soon, stay tuned...
