Intrepid Murmurings

Poor Delia! 

Yesterday, after a nice aftrernoon riding bikes and playing with balls in the driveway, I put the babies over the gate we have across the front porch (so they can play on the porch and go in and out) and started putting away toys and tools and stuff.  I put the two baby bikes over with them, as they often ride them inside.  Probably a minute and a half later I was putting the wagon away around the side of the house when I heard a wail.  Coming from the backyard.  Not good.

Delia had sped through the house on her bike, past Lonnie cooking and right out the open back doors and down three steps landing face first on concrete.  When I got to her she was sitting up, gushing blood, her bike upturned next to her.  One of those horrible parenting moments. 

We washed her off briefly in the sink, Lonnie checked to make sure her teeth were all there and okay, and then I took her and a wad of paper towels to the rocking chair where we dabbed and nursed and drank water from a sippy until she finally was calm. Her mouth was torn up a bit inside around the top teeth, and she has scrapes on the top and bottom of her lips and cuts on her lip, which was and still is pretty swollen. Poor baby!

Miraculously, in an hour or so she was ready for dinner and ate fine, and was in fine spirits for her bath and afterwards. At bedtime I was talking to her about the accident and she signed "hurt" and "bike" and seemed very intent on listening to the story. She got ibuprofen through the night and was definitely more needy than usual (slept with me), but all in all she bounced back really well. Still has a fat lip today but she was back on the bike and up to her usual antics as usual. Whew!

So, lesson learned! I have actually envisioned this happening and have been trying to be really vigilant about keeping our back screen door closed, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Now we put the spring back on so that it closes automatically again (sorry Aiko dog) and that should prevent this from happening again. Its almost worth not having bikes in the house for, but they just LOVE them so much and get so much entertainment and exercise out of them I really don't want to do that. But no more daredevil bike stunts Delia, please!

Oh, biting.  

We have been dealing with biting for months now, but its getting worse.   Generally Elsie is the biter and Delia (or me, or Lonnie, or this week, Emma!) is the bitee.  Poor Delia last week had 5 visible bite marks/bruises on her one day, some fresh and some a few days old!  Emma got bit twice this week, once when she took a toy from Elsie and kind of deserved it (she didn't cry or complain at all, because I think she understood that, too, ha ha!).  

I was commenting to Lonnie that it certainly gives you perspective to be the parent of both the biter and bitee, and to have them (most of the time) be the same age so there is no power difference, etc.  I know biting pushes a lot of buttons for folks (especially when its at school/daycare and other peoples children doing the biting) but I really don't see it as any different than hitting and pushing, which we also have a fair bit of.  Biting hurts more, which is the big bummer, and leaves marks because of that, but I see them as pretty much interchangeable at least at this age.  And while hitting, pushing or biting is rarely (if ever) an ideal way to react or solve a problem, its also certainly a normal urge or stage of child development in the early years.

Sometimes the biting here seems to be just out of excitement or because there is something interesting in front of her to bite. Other times, it is out of anger/frustration because Delia is in Elsie's way or using a toy she wants (today, it was bike envy in the driveway).  I don't think at this age (almost 14 months) they can understand that biting hurts the other person, so I don't think its intentional yet -- just a form of communication or expression of a feeling.  

I deal with the biting in different ways depending on the situation, but generally always say NO BITING fairly strongly and either put the offender (usually Elsie) down in her in her crib if we are near it (to give Delia a break) or just on the floor away from the rest of us for a moment.   I also say "biting hurts" and point to the teeth(and/or the bitten body part) and do the sign for "hurt" (which they both know now, though I am not sure if they get the concept entirely yet).  Any time I  say "no biting/biting hurts" Elsie points to her teeth, so thats a good sign of some understanding, at least!

I do think E &  D get the concept of "no" pretty well at this point-- they shake their heads now and say "na na na" for no to me, either when referring to something that I tell them no to (like playing with the oven door, ha ha), or when they are initiating no themselves (during diaper changes sometimes, or like Delia today, who said "na na na" to the pasta salad I was trying to give her for lunch as she was tossing it overboard).  

I have also yelped and yelled when they bite ME, and reflexively pushed them off me/over when this happens.  This usually makes them a bit sad, but not overwhelmingly so and not always! I don't worry about it in any case, since its an honest reaction to something that hurts.  

At some point in time (sometime between 1-2 years old, I would think?), biting does seem like it might become more of an intentional thing -- to make a point of displeasure or for attention getting behavior, maybe?  I don't know, but it feels like baby/young toddler biting is in a bit of a different realm than older toddler/preschool aged biting.  Not sure how we will change our reactions if & when that happens, we shall see -- I would think that it would be important to take into consideration how verbal the kid is, as it seems a verbal kid has a lot more "tools" in their communication arsenal than the non-verbal one.

I hope it just goes away before we get to that stage, in any case!   Here's a recent picture of the duo, in a happier, non bitey moment:

And here's one with them both chewing on their fingers -- more teeth on the way, ya think?  Great, just what we need! 

On the parenting forum I spend a fair bit o' time at, somebody started a thread about twin sanity milestones.  As in, when do things start to get better here?  When can I look forward to XYZ?  PLEASE JUST GIVE ME HOPE was basically the sentiment.  

I think it is hard because with twins (and I am sure higher order multiples) things just take longer.  Everything takes longer  -- getting to know your babies, getting feeding settled, getting sleep settled, getting routines in place, and most of all feeling like you have this whole parenting/baby thing under control.   I read this somewhere when I was still pregnant -- to just count on EVERYTHING with twins to take an extra month or so, and that was really great advice that has served me well over the past year or so.  

But man oh man are the early months hard with infant twins!  It seems every parent of twins I meet (mostly online, admittedly) goes through a Very Desparate phase, once the initial excitement wears off and the extra help (if they were lucky enough to have it like we did!) goes home.  Mine was around 3-4 months, and oy vey, it was rough.  

I have been reading another blog lately,  Little Wonders (whose identical girls were born early due to TTTS, but are both now home and doing great, woohoo!), and its been really taking me back to those crazy, sleep deprived days.  Also, I guess, because its been a year now for us, and its just so easy to remember back to what was happening (or not happening!) this time last year. 

Anyway, back to the sanity milestones.  Here were mine, roughly:

3 months -- started nursing a little less often (supplementing more) but that allowed me a lot more time to DO stuff.  Like cook, laundry, etc etc.  Started being better able to manage getting out with all 3 girls by myself -- actual outings!  Out of the house!  It felt really good!

4/5 months --  Back at home a lot, working really hard on all the sleep stuff (the worst point for that was around 4 months, which spurred the changes I put in place to get everyone into a somewhat regular napping and sleep routine.  Once it fell into place this REALLY helped maintain everyone's sanity!  

6 months -- moved into cribs from the baby beds (Amby Hammocks), started going down for sleep a lot easier (without a huge plan/ordeal this time!).  Lonnie was suddenly able to get them to sleep better than I could for awhile!  This was really a relief.  

At 6 months, things in general felt a lot more manageable!  Woohoo! Started getting out a lot more again, felt less overwhelmed, etc etc.  Finally felt like we could really do this AND integrate some kind of reasonable life back into the mix as well.  Babies could play in exersaucers/bouncers or bumbos for longer, were really noticing each other and interacting. So fun!  

8 months  - Sitting!  This did help a bit with self entertainment (though the bumbos/exersaucers/jumpers did this as well a few months earlier) and especially with bathtime.  Once the girls could sit steadily for bath that part of the day became a lot easier and a lot more fun for all.   On the sleep front, naps had gotten really regular and could be counted on at regular times pretty much ALL the time.  THANK GOODNESS! 

9 months -- Started relying more on solids than milk for nutrition.  Able to stop supplementing w/formula and nurse exclusively, which meant nursing became less worrisome for me (no more fears of early weaning, which would cycle around up until then when they showed bottle preferences).  This was a big relief for me, since feeding and sleep were always my biggest stressors.

10 months -- crawling (and climbing)!  Hooray hooray!  Able to entertain themselves/each other for much longer periods as they perused all the new things available to them throughout the house.  Made a lot more messes, but I'll take that any day over fussy babies!   Having lots of fun with them,  early communication starting to happen, which is SO GREAT (receptive more than actual talking but some words & signs too)

12 months --  The girls really started playing together a lot more (hugs and kisses for each other too!).  Lots of passing back and forth toys (not always though!), joining in on each others play and following each other around, generally getting along well (I realize this may not last but its awesome for the time being).  More progress on the sleep front -- able to fall asleep by themselves without fussing if left sleepy but awake, and occasional sleeping through the night!  Hallelujah!

***more soon on the whole sleeping through the night thing!  This definitely deserves its own post!  Its still so shocking to me that babies of mine are sleeping through the night this early.  I realize that many of you think that is insane but its all relative....   Emma was good in preparing me for interrupted nights, that is for sure!   

Last Friday we took our crew for a weekend getaway.  Our first, since having the babies!  We were definitely a bit nervous since we and the kids rely pretty heavily on our schedules and routines these days, but we planned ahead well and all was fine.  

We went to Finnriver Farm, an organic blueberry farm close to Port Townsend, about 2 hours away (including a ferry ride).  We stayed in a great little rental house which was really nice but also kid friendly.  Emma had her own room, and the babies slept in Pack n' Plays in the main room with us.  The babies went down great for naps and night with our normal routine, hooray (though they did wake up more, boo!).  We brought a cooler and did all our own meals there, which worked well. Though boy oh boy did we miss our high chairs!!!!   On Saturday we went to an alumni get-together at the farm and met up with some old college friends of mine.  Lots of fun!

Anyway, here are some pictures:

 On the Ferry!  The girls LOVED it, both there and back.    

 Elsie's new favorite trick: standing!  Delia and a stick. 

Babies exploring the out of doors (Elsie is handing Delia a pinecone)

Daddy and Emma on the way to pick blueberries.  Picking blueberries like Sal: Kaplink Kaplank Kaplunk!

E & D enjoying a teeny tiny teeter totter (say that 4 times fast!) 

Beach fun!  

A few more photos here in the gallery.   

Geesh, where did that month go? We've been having lots of summer fun around here, in any case!  Playing in the backyard, picnics, visits to the park!  The weather has been great, and everyone enjoys getting outside when we can.   Yahoo! 

Delia (first) and Elsie (second) enjoying corn on the cob, a new favorite! 

All three girls having dinner at their picnic table.  First time Elsie and Delia got to sit at the big kid table! 

Elsie and Delia riding bikes at our new favorite park -- the bikes & cars are always just left out there for anyone to use!

Emma wanted to wear Susie on her back in the sling (yay, babywearing!)

Check out lots more new photos in the June and July albums!