Intrepid Murmurings

Yes, My Blog Is My Soapbox
When you decide to start a blog, you know (or usually at least have an inkling) that you may be opening yourself up to some controversy. It is an unfortunate reality. You are publishing your thoughts for anyone to read, and unlike in real life, you do not have the advantage of seeing or knowing who exactly you are talking to. Some of your readers may be your friends and family, to whom you have sent your link. Some are likely people you have something in common with, whose blogs you read and/or comment on, or who come to you via a search of something that you write about. But of course, not everyone who stumbles upon your blog will share your views. Just like in real life. Sometimes people who feel very differently than you do, who come from different experiences or who have vastly different beliefs, come to look at your blog, and they may even comment. Lately I have been reading a blog by Kateri, a birthmom and a parent, who in her blog shares some of her experiences of being a young woman with a crisis pregnancy, her experiences with placing her daughter in an open adoption plan, and her strong feelings about how she was treated then, and now, in terms of an open adoption relationship that did not go as she had hoped. I have learned so much from her, and love that I can hear her perspective, as it not one that is easy to find. Birthmothers are not a group who are thought about, encouraged to speak, and heard from very often. They are very marginalized in our society, and the adoption world, it seems to me. Of course, each birthmother's experience is uniquely hers. As is all our lives and experiences. Yesterday, Kateri posted about a problem she is having with a few folks who are commenting in her blog and emailing her rather nasty things. They disagree with her on some issues she has posted about, and are trying to discount her feelings and tell her how she should feel about her experiences. I think telling people how to feel and what to write about on their own blog is rude. It annoys the heck out of me. As Kateri points out, there is a place for debate (public forums, online or in real life) and a place for personal reflection and support (blogs, which many think of as a "front porch" type of space). I try not to walk up and insult people on the street, or on their front porch, myself. Though I do admit to being human, and that misunderstandings happen. I have biases and sometimes I say stupid things, sometimes about things I don't know much about. I have seen various bloggers deal with the issue of "trolls", or people who (often anonymously, but not always) start picking fights and throwing punches at people in blog comments. I support each bloggers right to ban certain readers, delete nasty comments or to close down comments altogether, if need be. Sadly, it seems to happen a fair amount, especially in blogs that are about controversial or very personal issues. I read a lot about adoption, parenting, and reproductive issues, and boy, does it seem people will fight tooth and nail for what they believe about these things! Sometimes it is with no respect for other people's feelings, or for the person whose space it is. It is sad that folks feel the need to attack others like this, though I suppose it is the price we bloggers pay for being able to write freely about what we want, and the satisfaction we get from being able to connect with, and possibly educate and/or support others that might be in a similar (or different!) situation. So I haven't had any trolls here yet (knocking loudly on wood!!!), though I expect that I will, perhaps soon; what I write about sometimes is not exactly apolitical stuff. I have strong views, and though in real life I am not always ready to debate and argue about them, or even bring them up, I like to write about it here as it helps me vent, and define my thoughts and positions. Sometimes I even change my mind completely, after I have posted and given it more thought. I suppose I am being way more blunt and honest in my blog than I usually am in real life, as are those people who "troll", I guess. It is a tricky thing. Personally, I feel like I am a WAY better writer than debater or public speaker (my brain and tongue move way too slowly for that, you see) which is part of why I started this blog. That and I enjoy my little cyberspace soapbox. Cuz' its mine, it looks pretty, and sometimes I just like the view. That's okay, is it not?